Timeline
This timeline records all events in the Barkley Shut Up and Jam! duology and expanded universe for which chronological placement is provided. Note on calendars The Barkley Shut Up and Jam! duology and Space Jam are set in a world which uses the Gregorian calendar, with dates labeled anno Domini (AD or A.D.) and before Christ (BC or B.C.) or Common Era (CE) and before the Common Era (BCE), and while Barkley, Shut Up and Jam: Gaiden never makes it explicit, the dates given in the latter, such as the year of the Great B-Ball Purge (2041) or the year in which the game takes place (2053), can be presumed to use the same calendar, particularly since some dates, like Charles Barkley's birthdate as given by the Guy near the ladder to Proto Neo New York, match those in our out-of-universe Gregorian calendar, without anyone noting that an unusual calendar system has been used. However, in a trailer for Barkley 2, a new calendar is depicted in the character creation menu, which labels dates either Clispaeth Era or Before Clispaeth. Given the influence of the Church of Clispaeth in Neo New York during the post-Cyberpocalypse, it is possible that some or all dates given in Barkley, Shut Up and Jam: Gaiden used this Clispaeth-centric calendar. It also calls into question any assumptions that works released prior to Gaiden used the Gregorian calendar. Another possibility, given that the passage of two millennia between Clispaeth's crucifixion and Gaiden's present roughly mirrors the out-of-universe passage of time between Jesus Christ's crucifixion and our present, is that the Gregorian and Clispaeth-centric calendars number years identically. With that in mind, until future releases provide further information, Barkleypedia: Shut Up and Wiki! will presume that all dates given in the expanded universe, including such dates as the year of the Great B-Ball Purge (2041) and the year in which X114JAM9 seeks the Cyberdwarf to learn of his past (666X), are according to the Gregorian calendar. Note on the Cyberpocalypse and post-Cyberpocalypse Although this timeline would greatly benefit from being divided into pre-Cyberpocalyptic, Cyberpocalyptic, and post-Cyberpocalyptic eras, the exact beginnings and endings of each era are fairly vague and sometimes contradictory, as detailed in their respective articles. Master Timeline Thousands of years before 2053, before "rules and regulations" * The Shimmerglobe is forged by proto-dwarves within a volcano. * The Shimmerglobe yields the rules and regulations of basketball, eventually those of the NBA in particular. Pre-historic time * Mankind discovers basketball. * Pre-historic b-ballers begin the practice of placing their entrails in urns after death. Pre-Boston Massacre * "Long before" the Cyberpocalypse ** Cuchulainn's story begins. * Prior to or during the year 53 ** Cuchulainn commits unspeakable crimes. ** Clispaeth Ryuji Atuck seals Cuchulainn within Cuchulainn's Tomb, in the north of what would become the Barren Outskirts of Neo New York. British Empire-Clispaeth conflict * Approximately in the year 53 ** The Boston Massacre. Clispaeth, now the leader of a Jicklebergian army fighting for independence, is crucified by the British Empire. * Sometime after the Boston Massacre ** Armies under Clispaeth's disciples begin a long conflict with the British Empire. * Approximately in the year 719 ** After 666 years of fighting, both the British Empire and Clispaeth's forces are destroyed, and the world obliterated. This is the central event of the Cyberpocalypse. Shortly after the year 1953 * B.L.O.O.D.M.O.S.E.S. came into being, according to the Cyberdwarf in 2053. In the year 1963 * February 20 ** The birth of Charles Barkley. In the year 1993 * Presumed year in which the events of Barkley Shut Up and Jam! occur, based on the vidcon's release date. ** Charles Barkley slams and jams in urban basketball courts all across America. * Michael Jordan retires from basketball to pursue a career in baseball. In the year 1995 * Presumed year in which the events of Barkley Shut Up and Jam! 2 occur, based on the vidcon's release date. ** Charles Barkley continues his slamjams across the country, taking the game to the next level in unorthodox court locations. * The main events of the film Space Jam occur. ** The Nerdlucks use the Ultimate B-Ball to absorb the athletic talent and essence of Charles Barkley, Shawn Bradley, Patrick Ewing, Larry Johnson, and Muggsy Bogues, becoming the Monstars. ** The Space Jam. Michael Jordan joins the Looney Tunes to fight for their freedom through a basketball game against the Monstars. Against overwhelming odds, he wins the game. *** November 17 **** The date of the Space Jam according to the Yahoo! Screen 30 for 30 parody short of dubious canon based on the game depicted in the film. ** The Monstars return the talents stolen via the Ultimate B-Ball, reverting to their Nerdluck forms. Jordan frees Barkley and the others from the Ultimate B-Ball. Unbeknownst to all, residual power remained within the Ultimate B-Ball and would grow over time, into what became known as Shadow Barkley. ** Michael Jordan returns to basketball. *** March 18 **** Jordan's out-of-universe return to basketball, likely the intended date of his return in canon. * Sometime after the Space Jam ** Statues are placed in the B-Ball Catacombs, one of which depicts a "ring of friendship" between Jordan and the Looney Tunes encircling the Ultimate B-Ball. Before the year 2003 * Wilford Brimley begins absorbing the diabetes of others within a room in what would become known as the L.I.B.E.R.T.Y. Tower, never to leave. Approximately in the year 2023 * After the Great Awakening, the diabetes cultists decide that sugar is evil, and begin a successful year-long campaign to spread the message and rid the world of sugar. Approximately in the year 2024 * The diabetes cultists end their year-long campaign. In the year 2024 or 2025 * Leonard begins working at the Spalding Factory. In the year 2038 * At Gun'sCon, Mark wins an award for the year's best gun's collection. Unknown amount of time before the Great B-Ball Purge * Before the death of Lebron James ** The Cyberdwarf crash-lands on Earth, losing his own flesh in the fires spawned by his ship's descent through the atmosphere. ** At a hospital, the Cyberdwarf has basketball leather grafted over his fleshless body. ** The Cyberdwarf befriends Lebron James. ** Balthios James is born, and dunked by his great-grandfather Lebron the very same day. * B.L.O.O.D.M.O.S.E.S., hoping to acquire the power of zaubers for themselves, assassinates Lebron James, shooting him in the heart. ** Balthios speaks with Lebron on his deathbed, beginning a long feud with B.L.O.O.D.M.O.S.E.S. * Balthios meets Vince Carter. * J. Lindsay worked at a zoo. * Many years before Hoopz Barkley's birth ** Charles Barkley and his wife Maureen try to conceive for many years without success. * Maureen becomes pregnant with Hoopz, later giving birth to an egg nearly indistinguishable from a basketball in appearance. * Three months after Hoopz's birth ** Hoopz's egg hatches. * Charles Barkley sees Larry Bird for the last time until 2053 In the year 2039 * November 14 ** Davis's first report * November 25 ** Davis's second report * December 13 ** Davis's third report * December 22 ** Davis's fourth report * December 30 ** Davis's fifth report In the year 2040 * January 8 ** Cosby's first report * January 21 ** Cosby's second report * February 2 ** Davis's sixth report * February 18 ** Cosby's third report In the year 2041 * During the week preceding the week of the final accident at the Spalding Factory ** A troubling event occurs related to the Hell B-Ball prototype. * The final accident at the Spalding Factory. ** Despite the previous week's accident, Doctor Davis seeks to increase the slamicite concentration of the Hell B-Ball prototype. Doctor Cosby wishes to wash his hands of the inevitable carnage, and resigns. ** Due to a critical flaw in the slamicite-concentration of the Hell B-Ball prototype, Doctor Cosby and Leonard are killed in an explosion, both becoming ghosts. * Likely before or during mid-year ** With two seconds left on the clock, Charles Barkley performs a Chaos Dunk to win the game, unable to bear the thought of losing the first game which his infant son Hoopz attends. The resulting carnage kills all present besides Barkley himself, and Hoopz. Maureen and Dick Vitale are among the dead. * The Great B-Ball Purge, or B-Ballnacht. ** Basketball is made illegal. * After the Chaos Dunk ** Kevin Garnett begins training in his dojo, in order to kill Charles Barkley. After the Great B-Ball Purge begins * Countless B-ballers are killed, including Vince Carter. * Juwanna Mann fakes her own death, eventually retreating to Proto Neo New York. * Shaquille O'Neil, Ron Artest, and Hakeem Olajuwon go missing in action, presumed dead. * Michael Jordan is among the first to join the B-Ball Removal Department. * The B-Ball Confiscation Act is introduced. * Locations with even the most tenuous associations to basketball are razed. * Many B-ballers killed or gone missing in the Purge are entombed and memorialized in the B-Ball Catacombs. * After millennia of use, the B-Ball Catacombs are abandoned. Shortly after the year 2043 * Within the B-Ball Dimension, Kevin Garnett begins his nearly-ten-year-long streak as champion of the Festival Arena Approximately in the year 2047 * Richards arrives at Liberty Island. In the year 2050 * The cyborg Vinceborg 2050 is constructing using the remains of Vince Carter, most likely by B.L.O.O.D.M.O.S.E.S., for whom he eventually works as an assassin. Approximately in the year 2051 * The Guy in the B-Ball Dimension competed in the Festival Arena around this time. Unknown amount of time before the Chaos Dunk destroys Manhattan * The Cyberdwarf begins repairing his crashed ship beyond the boundaries of Neo New York. By 2053, the work is nearly complete. * Negative b-ball energies cause b-ball mutations in any who spend too long in Proto Neo New York. * Years before Charles Barkley meets Juwanna Mann in Proto Neo New York ** The Ghost Dad, formerly Doctor Cosby, begins terrorizing Proto Neo New York, barring the way to the Spalding Factory with fog. * A "few months" before Charles Barkley meets Eli ** Eli sports a blonde bowl cut. In the year 2053 * A "few weeks" before the Chaos Dunk destroys Manhattan ** Hoopz's dribbling begins improving under the watchful eye of Balthios James. * The main events of the vidcon Barkley, Shut Up and Jam: Gaiden occur. ** Shadow Barkley, now a powerful figure behind B.L.O.O.D.M.O.S.E.S., performs a Chaos Dunk in Manhattan, destroying the city and killing at least 10 million souls. Accused of a crime he didn't commit, Charles Barkley goes on the run from the B-Ball Removal Department, pursued by its leader, Michael Jordan. ** Balthios James reveals to Charles Barkley that he is in fact the Ultimate Hellbane, enemy of B.L.O.O.D.M.O.S.E.S. ** Larry Bird is murdered by Jordan. ** The Ghost Dad and Leonard move on to the Ghost Dimension. ** After over fifty years of self-sacrifice, Wilford Brimley dies of sugarification. ** Cuchulainn is released. ** Completing the quest suggested by the Cyberdwarf, Barkley infuses the Spalding's Hell B-Ball with jamicite, and combines its power with the Shimmerglobe through the final Verboten Jam, the Double Dribble. ** Unknown amount of time before the encounter on Necron 5 *** The Nerdlucks return to villainy after their apparent redemption in 1995, and regain their Monstar forms. ** Charles has the Cyberdwarf vow to mentor Hoopz shall he become unable to do so. ** Jordan is slain by Barkley in a final match aboard the space colony Necron 5. ** Barkley defeats Shadow Barkley's final form. ** The Cyberdwarf escapes Necron 5 with Hoopz Barkley, as Balthios fends off the Monstars and Charles performs his second Chaos Dunk, destroying Necron 5 and preventing a separate Chaos Dunk from wiping out all mankind. ** Hoopz and the Cyberdwarf survive. The fates of Charles and Balthios are unknown. In the year 666X * The events of Barkley 2. ** Amnesiac cyborg X114JAM9, wishing to learn of his own past, seeks the Cyberdwarf.